Is this the year your son/daughter will want to get a tattoo? How about a body piercing? What are you going to do about it? What will you say?
I'm not promoting tattoos or body piercing for "children". However, I think we as parents need to understand something about teenagers: They are truly "tribal" and have a huge need to belong to a group they perceive are their peers.
Now, that doesn't mean they are aboriginal or primitive. Instead, it suggests that in their need to belong they need to have identifiable cues that signify their membership. It's not a "gang" mentality...you see plain ol' teenagers wear the same styles of clothing depending upon which clique they belong to ("goth", preppie, etc). And, you'll hear them use specific language that identifies their group membership. And, they use hair styles and make-up to differentiate them from "other" groups.
In their immaturity, they believe they are making a statement about who they are as "individuals". In truth they are loudly proclaiming which stereotypical group they identify with. The desire to get a tattoo or a body piercing may be one way they think they will belong to a "cool" group and to avoid the appearance of not belonging.
According to some studies, approximately 10% of high school and college students have tattoos and between 25-35% of students have body piercing. If you take the position of NO tattoos or body piercing until they are out of high school, you may find yourself engaged in a power struggle that you could lose. Sometimes our kids will choose to act foolishly BECAUSE we have forbidden them to. And, your child could defy you and get tattooed or pierced without your approval just for spite.
So, what's a parent to do?
Talk about it--Talk about it--Talk about it! If you can, find out why your teen wants a tattoo or piercing. Ask what it will mean about him/her that he/she has a tattoo or piercing. What is the graphic that your teen wants and where?...Why? What body part is where he/she wants a piercing?--what will he she be wearing in the piercing?
By asking questions in a non-threatening manner, you may get more information about the purpose of the tattoo or piercing. And, then you may be able to compromise if necessary.
"What compromise?" you might ask. When you become a partner instead of an adversary, you are in a position to counsel rather than demand. And, then your teen may be able to hear you and your concerns.
If your teen wants to be like his/her friends, consenting to a well-placed tasteful tattoo/piercing could be an option to use to encourage compliance and fore-stall contrary "I'll-show-you" reactionary behavior. Perhaps an agreement to get just one before he/she is 18 will prevent an unsafe procedure, an inappropriate tattoo or piercing, or an poorly planned permanent "bumper sticker" .
There are several benefits to become a partner in the tattoo/piercing debate:
1) You become a collaborator in deciding how & where the teen gets the tattoo/piercing...at a shop with impeccable standards or at a friend's home with hit-or-miss cleanliness. Kids often don't know the risk of cross-contamination or improper sterilization. And, if the procedure is done in secret, your teen may not address a possible infection in time! Your involvement opens a conversation about potential health risks and choosing responsibly.
2) Also, you become a partner in deciding what graphic will be used for a tattoo or where the piercing is to be done. Waiting until after a spontaneous or retaliatory tattoo or piercing is too late...the "damage" is done. So, with your consent and approval, your teen will be able to join his group overtly, brandishing his/her statement so everyone can see with pride and confidence.
3) You can make a deal--press for a contract agreement. "If I allow (or pay) for this one, you promise that this will be the only tattoo or body piercing you'll get until you are 18 years old." Some parents might even hold a carrot out: I'll contribute $100.00 for a tattoo/piercing after you're 18 IF you don't violate the one-only rule.
4) Another "contract" could be based upon the promise of a future tattoo/piercing AFTER a specific time-dependent goal has been achieved--you can link the reward to grades or home behaviors. You and your teen can plan the graphic or placement--time passes--and when the time comes, he/she may discover that what was desirable originally isn't any more. If after time passes (and the goal is achieved), the original piercing or tattoo graphic is still what he/she wants, then you can provide the "reward". But if the teen has changed his/her mind, the lesson is couched in "Thank heavens, you didn't get that, THEN--'cause you'd be stuck with it, now".
5) You can prompt a discussion about how a tattoo or piercing might affect your teen's future options. For example, if a teen girl wants to become a model, a tattoo or piercing could be a liability. Some professions will not hire employees who have pictures on their bodies that might offend or interfere in public relations. Therefore, ask questions about how a current choice could affect future choices.
6) Make the process of deciding a focus of research. Demonstrate the wisdom of finding out everything you can before making an informed decision. Get on the internet to find out the risks; ask friends what it was like and how they felt after; find adults who have tattoos/piercings and ask whether they have regrets (what regrets, why, and what would they have done differently)--and talk about what your teen concludes.
7) You can visit and inspect the establishments likely to perform the piercing or tattoo with your teen's sanction. Together, you can find out the legal age of consent and sterilization requirements of your state. Go with your teen to a shop to get the specific information. Show your teen how to be a good consumer by visiting several places before you decide on one. Make sure your teen can verbalize why one place is better than another.
Teenagers often do what they do with or without their parent's consent or involvement. Tattooing or Body Piercing is one teen experience we can work through WITH THEM where we can make a difference. By keeping an open mind and reminding ourselves of our teenager's need to belong, we can support, guide and (perhaps) influence the outcome. By automatically rejecting the teen's desire for self-expression or peer-group membership, we could press him/her into risky alternatives with dangerous consequences. Which tactic makes more sense to you?
Although piercing and tattoos aren't typically a "homework" issue, the idea of creating a teen/parent partnership is. For more information about how to make certain your teen is successful in school with the best support to become a self-sufficient productive adult, you're invited to visit: http://www.HomeworkSuccessNetwork.com
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